[bad soda]

[NES] Magmax – SCORE:  6.75
Highest Level Achieved:  Well I beat the game but it just started to loop back to the first level (there are really only about two and a half levels anyway) and I ended up beating it again and dying at 169,200 points.
Description:  Dated “space shooter” type game that sports more of a hovercraft-like ship than a space ship.  Oh, and power-ups include legs and a head and a breast laser.  There is also the same pointless trade-off 2-player mode that was thrown on too many games.

I really shouldn’t give Magmax a score even this high.  The game is barely two levels long.  The sound is atrocious.  It plays like so many terrible arcade port types, with a worthless 2-player option and the only accomplishment being a high score.  The power-ups make your ship one huge-ass target with arms, legs and a head, and are bound to get blown apart before they get cool.  There’s some kind of attempted variety with various gray splotches that serve as gateways underground, but underground just tends to be slightly harder than above ground and doesn’t offer any worthwhile benefits.  Throw in Magmax and you’ll probably pull it out in under a minute and play something good instead.

But this game is so purely a shooter that for any veteran of the genre it will be like a suitable warm-up that can be played at any time for no commitment.  Sure it has a few original elements, but more than anything its strength lies in feeling like every shooter I’ve ever played.  After five minutes of dying to get into the groove I ended up playing flawlessly for almost a half-hour while simultaneously having a meaningful conversation about the definition of art with a good friend.  I couldn’t do that with Gradius.

Greatest Moment:  At some point in our conversation I had to illustrate a point concerning the essence of what I consider “art” in comparison to what I might call an “art form,” and also the difference between those two and what I would call a “work of art.”  I had to use both hands in my dramatic way of explaining myself, so I paused my game.  After a few minutes, I was finished and picked up the controller.  My friend made sure to warn me “careful, you’re about to die.”  My reply:  “I know.  I have to pull backwards quickly and cut up and around to get the breast laser.”  Then our conversation resumed without a hitch and I did exactly as I said to survive the barrage of bullets and snatch the upgrade.

Worst Moment:  As I reached the boss I was fully armed with all the pieces of my robot woman.  Sadly this made me an unavoidable target and I lost every upgrade in the first few shots.  I still killed him without a problem, but every time I reached the boss the same thing happened.